boot camp: week ten & eleven

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+ I’m kind of lagging a bit, so I’ll cover both week ten and eleven in this post. week eleven kicked off on monday.

+ the ‘phase 3′ workouts started last week (during week 10), and holy shit are they hard. when I’m done and completely drenched in sweat (literally, puddle on the floor drenched), I feel so fucking haggard it’s not even funny. but I will say, I’ve got a new attitude towards these workouts than the previous months when we started new routines. less fear, more motivation. it’s like I was ready to take on a new set of challenges.

+ I’ve pretty much thrown the scale out the window. I’m right back to the weight I was when I started. no point of even stressing about it, because this program for me was clearly about toning up. I feel like an athlete at times, and that’s worth more than any pounds lost.

+ this is hands down the flattest my stomach has ever been…probably in my entire life. day 1 vs day 68 (which was monday) below…

+ I’m still sick of the food. it’s all just so bland and blah. I’m ready to start making my own healthy meals already.

+ lately the word ‘warrior’ is on a loop in my head. I think about it when I’m pushing myself in the workouts, and I think about it again when I wake up in the morning. it’s taken me a solid 2.5 months to get to this point, but I feel mentally & physically like a warrior. I’m proud of how I’ve really dedicating myself to this challenge, and how far I’ve come. I’m making some serious lifestyle changes and I’ve honestly never felt better.

catch up on all of my boot camp updates here.
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workshop weekend

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as usual, I was too busy hosting & teaching to take photos from last weekend’s journal workshop. but I will say it was a very successful class! it was so wonderful to see how inspired everyone was and how into their journals they became. this group really did trust the process, and it was apparent in the creative result.

thank-you to those who attended last weekend’s workshop, and I hope to host more in the future!

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+ top photo via bettina
+ second photo is student work from ali

lola update

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+ we call this look of hers ‘the angry old lady face’. I kid you not, she makes this face when she’s unhappy about something. naturally, it’s one of our favorite things ever.

well, it’s been a long month I’ll say that much.

four weeks ago we had a massive set back. after adjusting her meds (which we have to do, because the high dose of drugs isn’t safe for her to be on long term), her drug levels fell below a ‘therapeutic level’. just the slightest tweak in meds sent us back to the ER vet. we had gone 6 weeks with no seizures whatsoever, and that feeling of success just slipped right out of our hands. it was day one all over again – massive cluster seizures, completely disorientated, plowing into furniture, mentally spaced out…PDE at its worst essentially.

I’m going to be blunt and tell you we almost put her down. being back in the ER vet was awful. the last thing I want to do is continuously put her through the torture of being in a tiny terrifying cage in emergency care. but the hardest part about the disease (other than it being terminal) is that she is emotionally there, and physically can still get around. you always think that the day you put your animal down is because they’re 10+ years old and suffering. not one year of age and seemingly okay when the medication is doing its job. with PDE the suffering isn’t entirely physical – it’s a slow decline with constant rotation of medication, side effects, and the aftermath of seizure activity.

after an overnight at the ER, we made the decision to bring her home. we figured at that point, there wasn’t anything they were doing that we couldn’t do ourselves. we were also turning to fate a bit. she was either going to make the turn around at home with the medication, or she would continue to seize and we would put her down. this disease is terminal, and we are forcing ourselves to think long term. it was a difficult moment for my husband and I, but we knew it was time to draw a line in the sand.

when we brought her home she struggled. she had lost virtually all of her vision, was physically weak, and completely drugged out. we ended up having to move all of our furniture, pad walls with pillows, and barricade off portions of the house until she could figure out where she was again. we had a strict regiment of drugs, and syringes other medication on hand in the case she starting having grand mals again. I was happy she was home, but emotionally we were a wreck. watching her aimlessly pace around our house, not know who we were, totally confused, had us thinking the worst…

48 hours later (in true Lola fashion) – she was making a total turn around. 14 days later, she was back to the progress we had made the month prior. this past week however, we’ve had some ups and downs, with some spotted seizure activity. at this point we can’t forecast anything or try to assume patterns in her seizures or behavior. there are good days and bad days – we tackle them as needed.

that line is still drawn in the sand for my husband and I. because of her diagnosis, we know she won’t live a full life. at this point, we want to make what short life she does have, as quality as possible. long story short – no more trips to the emergency vet. we will continue to see her neurologist as usual, and attempt to treat with medication – but the next major ‘blip’ or set back she has, we know what we have to do…

it’s difficult and terribly frustrating. there are days where I want to just pull my hair out because of the amount of work we put into caring for her (our life and schedules completely revolve around this pug). other days I’m straight up pissed because I see someone with a dog and jealous rage takes over thinking – “that dog owner will get a full life with their companion, and we won’t“. then there are days where I can’t help but fight back the fucking tears, because Lola is just the absolutely sweetest and I hate that one day I’ll be making a heartbreaking decision to let her go.

later today we have a big follow up appointment with the neurologist, the first since her major set back. only time will tell at this point, so I’m hoping for more good days than bad.

getting somewhere

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+ ps – I’ve got just one spot left for this sunday’s journal workshop. hit me up if you’re interested in joining! learn to art journal & be creative all day…xo

boot camp: week nine

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+ finally. I can talk about how I didn’t have some sort of emotional breakdown, or feel too tired to function, or so hungry I want to consume one of my limbs. I’ve had a relatively solid week, both in physical performance and mental toughness.

+ the workouts are 100% part of my daily routine at this point. I look forward to them, try to kick as much ass as I can, and honestly feel like it’s the only way I can start my day (even after all of this is over). I’m enjoying the intensity of the ‘boot camp style’ moves we do and variation from day to day. before this, I never did weights or any sort of strength training. I’ve learned that it’s pretty much crucial to incorporate into your routine, and will ultimately help you succeed on your cardio days.

+ the food still drives me crazy, but it’s usually not until around dinner time that I really get cranky. I can generally get through the day without having a melt down.

+ I’ve hit day 60, and with my newest measurements and stats (see below) I’m pretty sure I’m going to be sticking around till the end (ie: I don’t think they’ll kick me out). I’ve got one full month left, and potentially a few extra weeks into May. I’m not really thinking in terms of a countdown though because I’m so focused on the day to day.

+ day 60 measurements went VERY WELL. although I’m not dropping pounds and there’s no major shift in my body fat percentage, I’m shedding inches like crazy. FIVE AND A HALF INCHES to be exact. are you kidding me? I’ve shed almost half a foot!

+ one of the trainers in the midst of the photo shoot* described my day 1 vs day 60 photo as such: “rox, it’s like we popped a balloon man. we’ve let all that air out of your torso and you’re shaping up into something new”

WEEK NINE STATS: 132 lbs, 24% body fat (height: 5’7″)
TOTAL PROGRESS: dropped 3 lbs, shed five and a half inches, and lost 4% body fat

……….
*we are not allowed to see any of our professional before and after photos. this is mainly because they want to film our reactions on the final day of the program.

catch up on all of my boot camp updates here.
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music lately

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woman power! that’s what this post feels like.

a new album from first aid kit is en route this june. I kind of have to be in a certain mood to listen to them, but I definitely loved a few of the tracks off their last album (especially this one).

okay, so I have to admit that I jumped on the lana del rey bandwagon much later than most. I always thought she was kind of strange and I had a hard time getting into her music. but then, out of nowhere…I was like hook me up to an IV of lana por favor cause I can’t get enough. this new track (which I know might just be another demo leak) already feels like summer to me, and I want to loop it all. day. long.

xo

muted

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lately, I find myself really not using any text or typography in my pages. after smearing liquid acrylic across the lower half of a figurative face, I realized maybe it’s me trying to subconsciously mute myself. there’s a lot spinning my head – weekly to do’s, physical and mental challenges, major goal planning – all of which I’m trying to bottle up. at least for now, keep it subdued and to myself.

funny how these pages just pour out of me when they need to.

+ side note: still a few spots left in my upcoming journal workshop. come learn to journal with me…xo

boot camp: week eight

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+ I’m really starting to feel like my clothing doesn’t quite fit. I’m a big wearer of leggings, and find the most of them at this point are a little baggy (baggy leggings what the what?).

+ the diet is slowly killing me. I want real food like you wouldn’t believe. not like a cheeseburger and fries real food, but just like a big salad or fish I make at home. the food I get on a daily basis is relatively bland, so it all sort of just starts to taste the same. repetitive dishes that are bland and unseasoned day after day after day, is seriously a slow form of torture.

+ otherwise, I’m feeling like a warrior. a fucking warrior. I’m taking on workouts that nearly killed me month one, and feeling like a champ. I can feel myself getting physically stronger and craving the daily workout. never thought I would say that.

+ I’ve had a bizarre craving for grapefruit. the few times I get it, I devour it (and even drink the sour pulpy juice at the bottom of the tiny container). growing up (and as an adult), I always sprinkled sugar on my grapefruit halves. now I’m enjoying it straight up.

+ the upcoming week is a big one: day 60 photos/measurements. this could be a make or break week for me and this fitness regime. hoping my results are improved and I can remain in the program. we shall see…

I will share updated stats/progress after my 60 day measurements. in the meantime, catch up on all of my boot camp updates here.

new artshop date: april 13th

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it’s been a while since my last artshop, so what better time than spring? new season, new beginnings, and a wonderful time to create. this workshop is going to be all about art journaling (pretty much one of my most favorite things ever).

+ NEXT ARTSHOP – Sunday, April 13th 9am-3pm in Redondo Beach, CA. $45 per person. think of this class like an intro to journaling. in this workshop, you’ll learn to jump start your very own mixed media journal. majority of art supplies, snacks (hello mimosas!), and ALL DAY instruction is provided.

+ WAIT, WHAT IS ARTSHOP? – it’s an all day art workshop (that I host from my home in redondo beach) where you’re allowed to let go, get creative, and learn a thing or two you didn’t know going in. there is no prior art training required- just an open mind, and the desire to be creative for an entire day. focusing on one project (through step by step instruction), you’ll learn about new techniques & mediums, exercises to break creative blocks, walk away with some bitchin’ artwork, and most importantly – have fun!

+ EMAIL ME IF INTERESTED – (or comment below with your email addy). madebybun@gmail.com – space is limited. I prefer to keep these workshops intimate to encourage creativity and more one on one instruction. spots will be reserved on a first come first serve basis.

come journal with me won’t you? xo

cutie and the boxer

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while keeping myself on lock down last weekend (because going out during this boot camp program pretty much sucks), I got a chance to watch a few art documentaries that have been sitting in my watch list. one of which, was cutie and the boxer.

nominated for an oscar this year, the film follows famous ‘boxer painter’ ushio shinohara and wife noriko (aka cutie). it’s an up close look into their life in new york, the two artists’ work, and their complicated marriage.

I have to admit, it took me a few minutes to get into this film. primarily because there are really no subtitles. there are literally entire scenes in this documentary where the two of them are speaking japanese and you have no clue what’s going on. but then you get into a groove. you get sucked into how they each create, and you’re almost surprised every time you see a new piece.

another fascinating component is their marriage. their relationship is sad, honest, and full of soul. there are moments you want to shout why cutie why?, but then quickly realize thereafter that they both need each other. in an odd way they each serve a creative purpose to one another – ultimately requiring the other half to truly thrive.

I don’t think you need to be a particularly creative type to enjoy the film, but definitely give it time to adjust to the general feel of it. overall, I quite loved it and would watch it again in a heartbeat.

+ the film is available for streaming on netflix.

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